Lost Dreams

It has been a long time since I blogged, but recent events have stirred so many thoughts that I want to sort through that I am anxious to write them all down. Of course school takes up so much of my energy and mind, and our district has been through something of a battle of late. Living in the school district in which I teach makes my perspective unique. What to some is a profession, to me feels more like a calling - I truly want to serve God as I serve the kids and community, AND my own children are involved, so my mother's heart is in all my opinions.
Let's just start with thoughts about teaching. There is a lot of talk about school as a "business" and teachers not spending enough time with kids - many feel that they are not getting what "they pay for" when a teacher has too many prep periods or "time off" exceeds what one feels is comparable to their work day. I teach English; and, to feel prepared and inspired to teach 14 year olds about the benefits of reading and writing and communicating, I have to believe in, practice, and learn about literature, writing, and communicating in my life. I often am overcome with guilt if someone finds me alone and reading - I am certainly not being productive if I am not "doing something real." What are these two concepts saying? Teachers are caught between trying to set an example, to be prepared to lead students in their learning, and in trying to meet the expectations for the perpetual motion of "productivity" that overwhelms the American concept of work. My ultimate teaching example, Jesus, often went off in solitude to pray/think/gain wisdom to then impart to the masses. I love being in the classroom with my students, interacting with them. I love being one-on-one with them, encouraging and helping them. I cannot do either of those things well, if I have nothing to share about my own reading, thinking, or learning because I have never been away from them. There is an underlying distrust that teachers might actually want to prepare well for their profession. I do not find that to be the case, but ponder how teachers might change this perception. Much of what I want to discuss with people about education these days seems to fall on deaf ears if I am not talking about numbers like test scores, or dollars spent in the budget, or minutes "working." I read once that a Native American belief, from a tribe I cannot recall, is that if a people stop dreaming or pursuing quiet time for visions to come to them that their society will fall apart. I am feeling the need for some dreamers to step up and inspire us all, but they may be busy on the treadmill at the moment.

Kick in the Butt

I was convicted tonight by friends who live out their faith in very tangible, miraculous ways. "Don't be a lazy Christian. Don't let the little pebbles in the way stop you from God's will. Don't wait for a "Yes." Instead, wait for God to say, "No." The truth in this conviction is palpable. The Bible tells us what to do as Christians. We, meaning me, find millions of ways to be so busy that we convince ourselves that we are doing God's work. How do I really know when my mission/calling is less spectacular than relief work in Haiti - raising my kids to know the Lord and working on being the wife that God wants me to be and going to work teaching kids every day? How do I know? How do I know what other path might be God's will when the other tasks take all my energy? I feel like I"m in the right place. At least, I'm happy with my life, really happy and grateful for all that I have. I have to pray to hear God's still small voice every day, every minute of every day... Dear Lord, hear my prayer.

Prayer for people working to help in Haiti.

Watching the news out of Haiti, I am in awe of those people who just jump in and help. Financial assistance is all we can offer, and we are thankful that God has provided that for us to share. Those whose gifts are talents of nursing or building or flying or organizing or ... are the ones who really make a difference.

Please God, be ever present, providing safe travel and work for all those who are physically working to help the people of Haiti. I pray that your strength will be their strength. I know you will work all things for good, Lord. Help us to be patient and strong as we wait. Help us to be brave and faithful as we act. Help us to be yours in all things. Amen.